Completely and Utterly, Nonsense
by The 4 Marauders
Summary: Just like the title says. A nonsense oneshot we Marauders cooked up. This one involving a very confused Harry Potter, and Legolas, everyone's favourite elf! Warning: May contain nonsensical elements.


**Disclaimer:** We do not own Harry Potter or the Lord of the Rings! Characters or plot or content!

**Additional 4 Marauders Disclaimer:** Warning! Complete and utter nonsense ahead! If you're not prepared for that opr don't find it funny, then don't read it. You have been warned. The legend in this story is as follows: (_Pr_) the part that Pronsg wrote. (_Mo_) the part that Moony wrote. (_Pa_) Padfoot, (_Ev_) Evans, and (_Wo_) Wormtail. Wormtail was only about 8 years old when she wrote her part, so give her a break.

**A/N**: This story is nonsense. Thus, the title. Please don't flame because they suck, because well, they're not supposed to be fabulous epics. They're just something fun that we like to do in our (ahem) spare time, and so, we decided to post them. Another BIG note (later added): Harry and Legolas are NOT gay! We apologize for any confusion, but _all_ the descriptions of Legolas and Harry being 'gorgeous' and 'oh so hot' are strictly from _**our**_ point of view/opinion. Sorry. I know it seems otherwise, but seriously. _(Edited by Prongs and Padfoot)_

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Harry reached for his glasses and put them on. The bright sunlight streamed through the window, casting a warm glow around…the… 

Dormitory?

"…Where am I?" Harry wondered. His brows furrowed together, trying to understand why he wasn't in the Gryffindor Tower, and where on earth… he could be…

Finally taking in an actual glance of his surroundings, Harry was shocked to find another being in the room. 'Being' is the term, for Harry was puzzled as to if this was a human or not. With pointed ears, long blonde hair and clear blue eyes, who knows what or who this could be? (_Pr_)

Yes, what a question!

"Hello, Harry Potter. I am Legolas Greenleaf." After a moment's pause: "Surely you've heard of me! …Anyway, I could really care less."

Harry (oh so hotly) laid there, mostly dumbfounded.

"I am here to ask you to undertake a most noble quest - that is, if you don't have anything lined up?"

"Uhh, no, not exactly… if trying to prevent Voldemort's world domination and all his evil Death Eaters from killing me doesn't count…"

"Excellent! So it's settled! Meet me in Diagonell tomorrow at noon. We'll talk then." With that, Legolas (oh so hotly) opened Harry's bedroom window, tested the wind, then pranced out, walking away on air. (_Mo_)

"Harry! Harry! HARRY!" Ron viciously shook his friend awake. "Bloody, Harry! That was some nightmare! You were sweating and screaming and everything!"

Harry sat up in his bed, breathing heavy.

"There – there w-was an elf, a-and he w-wanted me to m-meet him, to d-d-do something, I don't know. It was horrible!" (What Harry didn't tell you was how lovely and gorgeous Legolas really was!) (_Ev_)

Ron looked up puzzled. "What?"

"Never mind," said Harry. "So, what's new with Fred and George?"

"Oh, they just lit Percy's robes on fire again! ...and pulled the fire alarm, and put a frog in Ginny's bed." Ron said with a laugh, expecting Harry to laugh too. But, all he did was smile, and then he laid back down.

Two days later they figured Harry was sick with…(_Wo_)

(What Harry also didn't tell you is that he just had about a truckload of Lupin's special chocolate, and it is quite nearly impossible for him to discern what is really happening to him.)

So, let me 'splain – no, there is too much. Le' me sum up:

Legolas came into Harry's room, told him he had a quest for him, and then left. Harry went to sleep, had a nightmare, and Ron woke him up. Because of the chocolate, Harry thought that the pretty elf was part of his dream, when he was, in fact, not. Harry did _not_ have any deadly disease, as he was led to believe (another by-product of the chocolate) and is now, as we speak, walking down Diagonell (which is _not_ to be confused with Diagon ALLEY, or RivenDELL), free from the effects of the chocolate, and seriously looking for the gorgeously mysterious elf named Legolas.

Shortly thereafter, he found him sitting contentedly under a red and white pin-striped umbrella. Harry sat at the table underneath the hideous umbrella with the elf, trying to not to feel self-conscious because his complexion was not nearly as smooth, or his eyes nearly as blue, nor his hair – er…anyways…

"So," said Harry. "What's this mission…quest…thing?"

Legolas smiled, and a group of women nearby passed out. "You remind me of a hobbit I know …anyway. Yes. Quest." He cleared his throat and began importantly: (_Pa_)

"Long ago… very, very, long ago… there was this elf. He was beautiful and wise, and all who knew about him adored him. Who was this elf, you say? Why, it was me! Yes, I am almost 3000 years old. But no matter! I need you to do something for me…now listen closely…"

And Legolas (oh so hotly) whispered into Harry's ear, who was (oh so hotly) listening closely to Legolas as he had been instructed, with a very confused expression on his face.

Harry then looked surprisingly at Legolas, who had a pleading look on his face. Harry shrugged, got out of his chair, walked over to the ice cream bar, and purchased an Itzakadoozie. He then walked back with the treat unopened, and handed it to Legolas.

Legolas smiled (oh so hotly), a smile that was so perfect, so angelic…with his perfect white teeth set against his perfectly coloured complexion, framed by his perfect lips…ANYWAYS. On with the story…

"Thanks loads, mate! Wouldn't have wanted people to think any less of me… ahem... with my figure an' all…"

And with that, Legolas tested the wind, and pranced away on air, leaving Harry to wonder what the heck that was all about, and what a complete waste of time that was. Lupin suddenly appeared and said, "What was that guy doing, walking on air? Strange. Hey, have some chocolate!"

Harry cried and ran away. (_Pr_)

**THE END.**

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**A/N:** Thanks for reading; please feel free to leave a review. Absolutely NO swearing in any reviews, please. 

And, you know, you WERE warned. (snickering off stage)


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